you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
