fuck your aforementioned shoe
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
