we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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