Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
