She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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