I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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