It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
