she was so not down for the gang bang
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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