Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
