Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The air taste purple.
Randomize
