There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
