and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
