I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
