we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
