it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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