all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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