Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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