Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
