Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need a beard to bite.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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