I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fuck appropriateness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How does it feel to date your dad?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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