I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
