It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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