but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
