it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
