i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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