i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
