you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
