alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
