The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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