im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just cropdusted the office
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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