apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
