Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
