Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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