somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
