All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
