I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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