I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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