He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
