Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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