My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
