And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
