I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
