Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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