Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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