She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
