I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
