i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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