Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
