Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
