She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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