i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
