TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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