Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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